A True Friend

by Russell Carnley

Over the course of your lifetime you will meet many people. If you are a friendly person, who is not rude or insensitive, chances are that you will have many friends. Sadly some of these turn out to be "fair-weather" friends. These are willing to spend time with you as long as there is something in it for them, and as long as things are going well for you. Be assured that as soon as trouble comes your way, or you are in some kind of need, these "friends" will have nothing to do with you. A Christian should never be this type of friend.

Even when your life is going along smoothly and you have many friends, there can still be something missing if you do not have a close personal friend. This friend knows you very well, understands you, and accepts you as you are. This kind of friendship is rare and precious. Such was the relationship of David and Jonathan, (1 Sam. 18:1-4). And such is the relationship that so many in the world are lacking. Where do I find this kind of friendship? What can I do to build this type of relationship?

Solomon knew the importance of friendship and he wrote: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother," (Pr. 18:24). You have to be friendly if you want to have friends. A good place to start is with the golden rule. "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets," (Mt. 7:12). And to find the true friend who sticks closer than a brother, you have to be a true friend yourself. What is a true friend? There are many qualities that can be discussed, yet we will look at four qualities of a true friend. A true friend is...

Willing to Listen

A true friend is willing to listen when you speak, and he seeks to understand what you are really saying. A fool does not make a good friend to because he would rather talk than listen. "A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart," (Pr. 18:2). Certainly there is a time to speak, yet there is also a time to keep silence, (Eccl. 3:7). "He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him," (Pr. 18:13). A true friend tries to maintain the balance between talking and listening. To be a true friend you must be willing to listen and willing to refrain from giving advice until the proper time (which may or may not come). Besides being willing to listen, a true friend is...

Trustworthy

You can trust a true friend. Not only will he listen, but he will also not tell others that which you do not want them to know. "A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is a faithful spirit conceals a matter," (Pr. 11:13). Many of us have had experience with those who gossip, spreading rumors and lies just for their own enjoyment. Certainly it is not good to talk to these people, and the Bible warns us against listening to them as well because of their corrupting influence. "The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body," (Pr. 18:8). The words they say may sound good, but they are like wounds (so some read it) and they go deep into your mind. They accomplish no good and much harm. It is good to keep a distance from these kinds of people. A true friend is willing to listen and trustworthy. A true friend is also...

Generous

"The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also himself be watered... A man's gift makes room for him, And brings him before great men," (Pr. 11:25; 18:16). It is good to be generous, for "It is more blessed to give than to receive," (Acts 20:35). A true friend is one who is generous not merely in his material possessions, but also with his time, his attention, his respect for others, etc... Generosity is a manner of thinking, a state of mind. A miser may give you something, yet in truth he regrets his sacrifice, (Pr. 23:1-8). It is easy to become selfish with what we have; a true friend can help us to let go of selfish attachments and obtain a more fulfilling life. "There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing; And one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches," (Pr. 13:7). A true friend is indeed a precious possession; he is willing to listen, trustworthy, and generous. A true friend is also...

Sincere

The word sincere is an old word that used to mean literally "without wax." It's another way of saying, "what you see is what you get". Used to describe pottery that was untouched by wax to hide the imperfections, it now is used to describe those who are genuine in their concern for others. A true friend is concerned for you wholeheartedly and you know that he or she only wants what's best for you. This friend is able to tell you what you really need to hear, even if you don't want to hear it.

"As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend," (Pr. 27:17). "Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed. Faithfulare the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful," (Pr 27:5,6).

A true friend recognizes the power of the tongue, and uses his tongue for good instead of evil. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit," (Pr. 18:21).

A true friend indeed is a precious and rare possession, and one greatly desired. In order to have a friend as described here, you must be a friend like the one described. Jesus Christ is indeed a friend to all who will receive Him. He gave his life so that you might live. "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you," (Jn. 15:13,14). He indeed is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.