Communication

An elderly couple were sitting together on the porch one evening and the man said, "I couldn't imagine life without you." The lady said loudly, "What did you say?" So the man repeated in a louder voice, "I said, I couldn't imagine life without you." To which she responded, "Well I'm tired of you too!" Communication is vital to any relationship. Satan knows this, and for this reason he is very diligent in his efforts to prevent it. If we want to prosper in our relationships, we must learn to communicate effectively. Solomon speaks of the value of communication in Proverbs 15.

The Manner Of Our Speech

"A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger," (Pr. 15:1). How we say something is often as important as what we say. We must be careful to avoid sarcastic, bitter, and resentful tones which scratch like sandpaper across an open wound. Whereas a soft tone and gentle voice can often make a hearer more receptive to the message we are trying to communicate. Consider Gideon's soft answer to the Ephraimites which turned away their wrath, (Jg. 8:1-3). In contrast, look at Jephthah's harsh words which stirred up their anger, resulting in war and much loss of life, (Jg. 12:1-6). Nabal's harsh words provoked David to wrath, (1 Sam. 25:2-14). And Rehoboam's rough speech caused the division of the kingdom, (1 Kg. 12:13ff). Our words are powerful and we must be careful how we say them.

The Purpose For Our Speech

"The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness," (Pr. 15:2). In this verse we can see that there is a right and a wrong way to use knowledge. A wise man uses what he knows to encourage, strengthen, and provoke others to love and good works, (Heb. 10:24). While a fool uses what he knows (or thinks he knows) to discourage, weaken, and provoke others to evil. When considering what to say and how to say it, it is also imperative that we examine the reason we are speaking. Before you speak, ask yourself, "Am I saying this to hurt this person or to help them?" "Will my words discourage others unnecessarily?" "Are these words necessary, can they go unsaid?" A little self examination and forethought can prevent much harm. And words that do not edify are corrupt and forbidden. "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers," (Eph. 4:29).

The Timing Of Our Speech

"A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!" (Pr. 15:23). The words, in due season, indicate that it is possible to speak a word out of due season, or at an inappropriate time. Solomon observed, "To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:" and this includes "A time to keep silence, And a time to speak" (Eccl. 3:1,7). Sometimes good words spoken are considered bad because of the timing at which they were uttered. For example, it is not good to speak of needing a raise when your boss has just learned that he needs to cut costs. Nor is it good to speak of your good fortune to someone who has just received news of her sisters untimely death. If we do this we become the subject of the proverb: "Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather, And like vinegar on soda, Is one who sings songs to a heavy heart," (Pr. 25:20). We must be careful what we say as well as when we say it.

The Attitude Behind Our Speech

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken... All the days of the afflicted are evil, But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast," (Pr. 15:13,15). People can usually see how a person is feeling by the expression on his face. If the heart is merry, the expression will be cheerful. If the heart is afflicted, sorrowful, negative, or vengeful, the expressions of the face will reveal this. In some cases what we say is contradicted by the look on our faces. We must be diligent to control the thoughts to the end of, "...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ," (2 Cor. 10:5). "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks," (Mt. 12:34). Sometimes we can speak the right words, at the right time, in the right way, and for the right reason and still miss the mark. Why? Because our attitude was wrong. It is hard to over-emphasize this, because it is so important. Many friendships are severed, many marriages fail, and many Christians have been discouraged because of negative and hateful attitudes. On the plus side, it is possible to change our attitude. We can focus on the positive. We can refuse to dwell on the negative. We can strive to encourage and uplift one another, instead of simply stirring up strife. For "A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention," (Pr. 15:18). If we master the attitude, the rest is easy. Our relationships will improve. Our joy will increase. And our communication will produce blessing and prosperity. Sounds good doesn't it?